7:34 a.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 25, 2002
Ms Leslie tries again
Wow�.. a lot has happened since I posted my last diary entry. I think most of the people who know me are already aware of most of them. Somehow I got out of writing here and into writing massively to certain individuals. That�s all well and good. I love writing to them, but it also means that sometimes I end up repeating myself as I write to each person. Maybe I can get back to writing daily here, and saying a lot of things only once.
I�ve been accepted for surgery in Thailand. I�m scheduled for 9/6/02 for genital revision and mammoplasty. In other words, I�ll get a vagina and breasts. I�ve sent my deposit and bought my flight tickets. I also finally decided to allow my mother and sister to accompany me. I hope that works out OK. Each of them has a lot of concern for me and can be a huge help and support to me as I go through this operation. On the other hand, each has her own problems and issues. I�m really so afraid that instead of having this trip and this experience be all about me, I�ll end up trying to take care of their needs while at the same time trying to take care of my own. My mom has health problems of her own. Thailand is so far away and the trip is pretty arduous. If she gets ill on the trip, it�s a huge problem. My sister also has health problems and these are compounded by the depression and emotional problems that stem from her health. I�m terrified that she�ll be unable to hold up for this trip too, much less be totally focused on me and my needs. I don�t mean to sound selfish. I�m usually happy to do what I can to help them, each in her own way. But just this time, I need to find a way to focus on me. I need something from each of them. My sister is a fantastic nurse. She�s full of love and concern for me and I�m counting on her to notice and report any problems with my recovery from anesthesia while I�m unable to care for myself and to help me with some of the details of my recovery. Mom too is concerned and loving, and she has a lot of experience in caring for people. I also trust that if there is an unforeseen problem, like if I end up in ICU for a longer time, or if I need other extended care, she will be there to guarantee that my financial needs are met at that moment. I can settle up with her later.
So it�s a trade-off; One that most people don�t understand. I should be delighted to have them along and grateful for the level of acceptance and concern I�m getting� and I am. I just hope they are able to deliver on that caring without having major problems of their own. Wish me luck.
I�m also getting out so much more. Every weekend is full. I�m renewing friendships with some of my Mobile friends and making new ones from Baton Rouge to Mobile. I�m shopping, having makeovers, and I�ve found a good hairstylist and asked her to teach me some of the basics of styling my own hair. It�s all very exciting right now. I even went to a local studio and had my picture taken. I think they turned out amazingly well, considering what the photographer had to work with.
When my dad saw my pictures, he said I�m a better looking woman than he thought I would be and no wonder the guys treated me so nice. Wow!� My dad said THAT? Unbelievable!
Well�. For those faithful who�ve been looking here for new entries all this time, hang in there. I�m going to do better, I promise.
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