7:45 a.m. - Thursday, Feb. 02, 2006
MsLeslie Makes A Stand
It�s been an interesting couple of weeks. Let�s catch up:
Over steaks in LaFayette on the same evening I bought my purple truck� whose name is now Purple Katy, after the infamous Katrina�THS once again raised the subject of our living together. I�ve lost count of the number of times I have told him that living together would change our relationship on a very basic level. So this time, I told him as bluntly as I could that I did not wish to live with anyone, that I don�t want a partner, that I could not remain his submissive, taking care of his drinks, meals, ashtrays, dog and laundry on a full-time basis, and that I had no intention of being his wife or entering into a marriage-like relationship with him.
Still, at the same time he was seeming to agree with me, he continued to press for some kind of open-ended experiment in which he would live with me and find a low-end job in Biloxi. I was weak; Still giddy from the successful purchase of the long-awaited pickup truck and concerned over his future, since he had once again realized that continuing to work in his mother�s auto repair and tire shop was emotional poison for him and was truly not feasible. I care for the guy and wanted to be there to help him get a new start. I thought that I could provide a kind of platform for him to re-launch his life� and get himself a new place to live. At last, I relented and agreed to let him stay here with me.
Within two days of our return to Biloxi, he found a job as a delivery driver for the nearest pizza joint. I was encouraged. He seemed to enjoy the work and I felt he would rise above driver status rather quickly and become at least a shift manager. He has been in the pizza game before. And so I clenched my jaw and tried to ignore the holes and dogshit in my yard and the utter lack of �down time� in my own house.
The end came as quickly as the beginning. After only a couple of shifts as a driver, I sat next to him on my futon sofa, listening to him dreaming out loud about a life in which he worked thee or four days a week in order to get barely enough money to pay the note on his trailer house in Pensacola and enough tips to provide him with a little spending money. And then, as he talked along this vein, I seemed to see this little red Cessna fly out of the clouds in my mind, trailing one of those sky-writing banners and the banner spelled a single word: �SEMI_RETIREMENT�. I realized then that while I was contemplating a new start for THS, he was contemplating a new ending.. one in which I would take care of the thousand dollar house note, the repairs and remodeling, a good share of the groceries and all of the monthly bills while he settled in to a new routine which called for a minimum of activity and responsibility on his part. The red Cessna made a banking turn and as it flew back into my cumulus mind, I saw that there was another word on the backside of that banner: �UNACCEPTABLE�.
Well, to make a long story short.. or at least less long� by midnight that night, he had noticed my tension and opened a discussion. I will always admire him for his ability to communicate relentlessly. The discussion this time, however, ended our relationship as Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/property, or whatever. I finally had to use what he had taught me about self-protection to protect myself against him. In the morning, after a hasty Waffle House breakfast, he was gone, leaving his clothes, computer, and oil paint set behind. And later that very same day, I felt suddenly compelled to get a manicure, pedicure, AND a haircut; Things I have not done on any regular basis since I met him.
Then I flew to Las Vegas.
�
�
