8:12 a.m. - Saturday, Oct. 11, 2003
Oh... Hitachi? I thought you said Hibachi
I�m sorry. I have to write about this.

If you�re under eighteen, please consider this entry to be required reading. Yes, that�s right� just like your homework, you should ignore this and go find something else to do. If you read this anyway and don�t know what a clitoris is, or an orgasm, you should ask your friends. Avoid asking an adult at all costs. It just embarrasses us and we don�t know much more than your friends do anyway.

I�ve been keeping a secret ever since summer-gale first appeared in my guestbook with concerns over whether I was making a mistake by having my major surgery. One of the things that worried her the most was that I might never have another orgasm. I didn�t tell her, but I had the very same concern. There are a lot of things that can go wrong in any kind of surgery. I have a sister who went for a simple carpal tunnel correction and three surgeries later was left with a ruined career as an emergency room nurse, a failed marriage and constant, unrelenting pain in her arm. A single slip of the scalpel, or a surgeon too tired to stay completely focused might have left me numb or even worse, in pain forever.

I was delighted when just days after the surgery, the dressings and packing were removed and the doctor took me on a little tour of my new genitals. I was completely sensate even then. I�ve always had great sensation�� but for over a year, I�ve had no orgasm. I had feelgood, I had �almost there�, but even when I�ve spent most of a day trying with different methods and vibrators, I never did get all the way there.

I�ve hid that fact, more than anything because I didn�t want summer-gale to be right. I�m funny that way. I�d rather lie than be wrong. But even though I had read that it can take as long as a year for a transsexual woman to become orgasmic, as my own year passed by, I began to get just a tad bit depressed.

I�ve never regretted my decision. I knew from the outset that I really did have to be willing to lose everything� and I was. I felt that everything was lost to begin with and that my only hope of getting anything back was to proceed with declaring myself to be real and getting on with my true life. Even if that meant no more orgasms, it was still worth it. Still�. It would be nice, wouldn�t it?

Well, one of the things I learned at my recent weekend, was the existence of a wonder from The Japanese giant, Hitachi. It�s called the magic wand.

I ordered mine from Drugstore.com the day I came home from the weekend. Eighty three bucks for the vibrator, some silky lubricant and two nasty attachments designed expressly for reaching those hard to find spots. For free, they threw in a bit of literature that explained how solitary sex is the safest and why, and how to use the product for the best results, yada, yada, yada.

It plugs into the wall. This is what I would call an industrial grade vibrator. Every time I switched it on, I lost the picture on my TV. That�s how strong it is. Even on low speed, it sounds like a crop duster climbing out of a run at full throttle. At high speed, ear plugs and absent neighbors are recommended. It was at that point, as a matter of fact, that I decided to take a break and go check to see if my own neighbor�s cars were both gone. They were. Noise be damned.

Upstairs again, I made myself comfortable, applied a little of the liquid silk I paid big money for, put the G-spotter attachment on the wand and turned the switch to �low�. When I touched myself with it, I heard myself let out a major gasp. GGGBOF�. This thing IS industrial grade! I wasn�t sure I would be able to bear it.

But bear it I did. On and off through two episodes of �The Cosby Show�. Watching Cosby while I masturbate? Is it any wonder I�ve had difficulties attaining orgasm? Nonetheless, I found the background noise comforting as I explored the different ways, the different areas, the attachments, and the speeds of the machine. Sometimes I had to stop for a moment. Once I had to dress and run downstairs to answer the door. My postlady had some clothes from Roaman�s for me. But finally, I found the exact right spot for me, and finally, I stopped moving around from place to place. For me, it turned out best when I took the attechements off and used just the vibrator and held it in the one magic spot.

It�s good that the neighbors �were� gone. They might have thought a homicide was taking place in my bedroom. I was amazed to hear my own voice making some really disgustingly animal sounds. Too bad. I couldn�t help it. Nor could I help what happened with that magic wand. All I can say, I guess, is that it showed me the magic and at the same time, it eased my fears about never having an orgasm. It was difficult, yes. But I have a feeling it�s going to get easier in the future.

And so once again, the good things in my life come from Asia. I love sushi. I love tempura. I love teriyaki and rice. And OH how I love my Hitachi Vibrating Magic Wand! And most of all� I�m so glad I can finally say that summer-gale was wrong. Whew!!!

(P.S��.I�m going to order another one for standby, Justin case this one heats up before I�m finished with it.)

Happy Thoughts, Deep Breaths,

�

�

previous - next