9:18 a.m. - Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003
Ms Leslie Eats Again
Mai pen rai

I can�t figure out how to use pronunciation marks, but I can tell you that Mai rhymes with �my� and should be emphasized. Pen rhymes with pen.. pretty neat huh?, and rai rhymes with mai.

It�s such a common expression here that even if mispronounced, people get the idea. Mai pen rai is the sole reason that traffic here has any hope at all of moving. I keep trying to find words to explain the chaos of driving and I simply cannot find the words. There is no such thing as following distance. Cars move along with less than six inches between them. Even less alongside. Lane markings go unheeded, with three or even four lanes of cars driving on a two lane highway. What passes for a lane change is accomplished by turning on your blinker and just kind of slowly moving over so as to give the person alongside a chance to miss hitting your car by a half inch or so. When traffic slows or stops, the thousands of small mo-peds just keep right on going, threading between cars, between lanes and if necessary, over the curb. The mo-peds themselves carry as many as six people, depending on size and age. It�s common to see pet dogs riding in their owner�s laps with their front paws on the handlebars. And all alongside each and every road, small or large, are the food hawkers with baby pigs split and turning over charcoal, fruits of every kind, noodles, Thai donuts.. I don�t� know what else to call them� batter fried bananas and plantains and�. I swear this is true� even roasted grubs and crickets. In fact, if there is a thing that will fit into the human mouth, it can be found for sale along the road.

In any town in the US, there would be such a national case of road rage that the highways and streets would simply have to be closed. Here, it seems to be not even a matter of concern that everyone is cutting each other off, ignoring traffic rules, and having one near miss every second.

Yesterday afternoon, Ees and Richard came to my hotel and took me to do a little shopping. We went to the TESCO Lotus store, which is where modern Thais really go to shop. Think of Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target and Sam�s club combined. Now add every kind of fast food you ever heard of, including KFC, McDonald�s and Dunkin Donuts, along with the ubiquitous street food hawkers. Include no less than six ATMs from various banks lined up in various locations, and add the smell fresh-popped popcorn and you�ll be part of the way to imagining this place.

Parking? Rigidly enforced by uniformed guards who blow those infernal whistles at everyone. No need to search for a spot. The guards direct you to the nearest one and wave you in. Richard, like any man anywhere in the world was content to wait in the car and read a book while Ees and I went into the complex.

I could have stayed there all day. No way could I look at everything. I love to walk up and down each aisle, but in this case it would have taken more than a day. SO I picked up a few things that I knew I wanted. First on the list was another suitcase so I can bring home the stuff I have already bought. I got a big one; the kind that has a handle that comes out and wheels to pull it without lifting. It�s good quality, lots of pockets and zippers. Price? Less than $20.00

I bought some other things too, but I don�t want to spoil things by saying what. Mostly, I just walked along kicking myself for not bringing my camera into the store with me.

We stopped to eat after visiting another department store in downtown Chonburi. It didn�t take me long, I�m afraid, to buy enough to more than fill my new suitcase and leave me with the same packing problem I started with, only with more packing and more suitcases. Clearly, I am going to have to leave my clothing and grooming supplies here.

We had Phad Thai (noodles with various garnishes) and fried pork patties. It sounds a bit boring to just say it, but no food here is ever boring. The meanest meal is a feast.

Even better than the flavors, though, is eating with Thai friends. Everything is served family style. Each person has a plate, while the food is placed in serving dishes in the middle of the table. There are no serving spoons.

In America, it�s considered somewhat impolite to leave food on your plate. You know� take all you want but eat all you take, waste not want not, and all that? I can�t help thinking, in fact, how I was told that there were children starving in China. Remember?

Wrong. No one, at least in this part of Asia, is starving.

Here it�s impolite to clean your plate. Your dining companions will enthusiastically pile food onto your plate like a demented and diminutive Italian mama as fast as you can eat it. It means nothing that they are using their own eating utensils both to serve you and to eat their own food. Nothing makes them happier than to sit and shell whole shrimp for you and put them on your plate or to pick through the dishes, finding the juiciest bits of pork and sticking them in your mouth. Nothing is more sublime than to catch you getting near the end of your hot and sour fish soup and ladle your soup dish to the brim again. The poor person who cannot make the cultural leap; who stubbornly tries to show her manners by eating everything served to her is doomed. Thais will see you die of overindulgence before they will stop loading your plate.

For the squeamish, this might sound like an unappealing way to spend a meal. Even I have to admit it takes a certain fatalism to ignore the fact that eating with a Thai is kind of like eating with everyone they ever ate with before. We are not used to sharing this closely. But my advice, if you ever get the chance to really eat with some Thai friends is to get over it. You can be checked for hepatitis or whatever later. In the meantime, you need to experience how very loved and accepted it feels to be literally spoon fed by people who want nothing more than for you to be full, content and happy. This is love on a level that takes you all the way back to childhood. It�s simple. It�s genuine. It�s downright spiritual. And if you ever do find yourself at the table with Thai friends, do try to remember� if you don�t leave some food on your plate, they will NEVER stop.

At the end of our trip, Ees and Richard helped me carry my stuff to my third floor room. I gave some gifts to Ees, and then turned to Richard, who, I think I have mentioned, speaks not word one of english. I had asked them to come take me shopping. AS much fun as we had, I still considered them to have been hired by me. Last time, I had pressed some money into Richard�s hand at the very last and then disappeared as he stared at the bills, stupified. This time, though, he was ready for me. When I turned to him to give the traditional wai (a slight bow with the palms pressed together as if in prayer), he saw some money in my hand, opened the door and literally ran downstairs. This is the first time anyone has refused payment and I must say, I was flattered. He didn�t need english to tell me this trip was his pleasure.

I already know I have to come back to Thailand. I can do without the surgery, but I don�t see how I can stay away from this country for very long.

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