10:02 a.m. - Thursday, Mar. 06, 2003
The Spirits are about to Speak!
I see on the fair and balanced news channel that Princess Di is about to speak to us from the grave on pay-per-view. Does she really need my fifty bucks where she is? Is it possible that all the people who have said �you can�t take it with you� never actually tried? Had she tried to take hers, maybe she wouldn�t have to resort to post mortem appearances to support her after-lifestyle.
I guess I don�t mind. After all, I�ll pay fifty dollars and drive a couple of hundred miles to watch two large men tattoo the word �Everlast� onto each others� foreheads. Why would I think it�s strange to pay the same amount to hear a princess ghost? The thing that disappoints me about the whole thing though, is that she promises only to talk about the more mundane aspects of her earthly life, how it felt to be crushed in the twisted wreckage, and what it�s like to be with the ultimate �high� society.
From her vantage point, I should think we could learn so much more from her. I would, for instance, gladly give a sawbuck or two of my own money if she could tell us where Saddam has hidden the goods. Better yet, if she could give us some clue as to where the fearsome sleeper cells are and what they�re planning next. And of course� where is UBL himself? These are the things worth hearing these days. Not to mention the locations of various lost women and children, which accounting firms are cheating the American Investor. And, on a personal level, I�d be pretty happy if I could hire her for just a couple hours at a blackjack table. I suppose that, however, would be beneath her station.
Instead, we�re going to get, via her former personal assistant and a couple of rather shady-looking mediums (media?), all the dirt on who she loved, what she ate, with whom she slept, and how she really felt, deep down, about queen mumsy. I�m so sorry Di. You were a beautiful person and a good-looking woman. But you�re gone five years now. If you can�t be more helpful, I think it would be much more ladylike if you would just let yourself rest. We�ll have to get along without you.
Oh.. PS. Di� if you don�t mind.. would you look for my grandma and my buddy and say �hey� to them for me?
It�s worth a hundred bucks.
0 comments so far
�
�
