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3:39 p.m. - Monday, Jan. 27, 2003
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Aw geez�. I hate it when this happens.

I like my diary. It�s helped me a lot. And I like the hands that extend to me here. It�s a funny thing about me though. Apparently I am not destined to make a sustained effort at anything. Whenever things are going the best, that�s when I get the most restless. I can�t handle good things. I have to be struggling.

That�s the way my diary is starting to feel right now. It�s too good for me. I�m starting to feel responsible for it. It�s starting to feel like a chore.

So I need to do one of two things: Abandon it, or leave it alone for a little while. I�d like to try the latter.

I�d really like to keep a diary of this upcoming trip to Thailand. I did an awful job last time and didn�t write some things that were probably necessary. This time I�ll be alone and have plenty of time on my hands once I�m out of my hospital bed. Maybe I can catch up on some thoughts from last time.

But it�s not going to work if I have to try to write. I gotta wanna.

So I�m going to take a little vacation. I�m going to write when I want to write and only when I want to. If you�ve been following me day by day this might be a good time to join my notify list. I promise to send a note if and when I update. It could be tomorrow, it might be a couple of weeks. I just don�t know. I just need some time.

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