3:04 a.m. - Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2003
An Interesting Life? Ms Leslie Thinks Not
Even by my standards yesterday was a pretty empty day.
I did go out. I went on my bike ride and stopped to walk in some of the coldest weather this year in Mississippi with Ann. There was no Waffle House in my day though. Even with the exercise, I�m gaining weight at the Waffle House. So, maybe in another life I can be a denizen. In this one, I can�t seem to just go there for coffee and maybe a piece of toast. I gotta have something destructive.
The rest of the day was spent here at home. A little cross stitching, a little computer play and no housework at all. I didn�t eat anything. That makes it hard to get moving. Finally, I decided to go with the sleeping diet, taking sleeping pills around 7 pm and sleeping through my hunger. That got me to midnite�.. A new day!
The good news is that I dropped three pounds yesterday. Sure,, I know it�s probably all water, but I don�t care. As long as it weighs something and it�s gone. The bad news is I can�t just stop eating. It�s not like smoking where you can just quit cold turkey. Sooner or later I have to eat.
Even with the sleeping pills I haven�t been sleeping much. I dream of getting ready for war. I dream I�m getting inoculations, that I�m drawing ammunition. I suppose it doesn�t take a rocket scientist to know it must be all this Iraq war stuff going on these days, I�m back in fatigues and people are handing me these boxes of bullets and magazines, and I�m thinking.. hey! I don�t want to do this again! But I�m locked in somehow. I can feel myself moving closer to the nightmare with every step. And at the same time, I�m feeling kind of resigned to it, as if I�m going back home, really, to a place I should never have left.
So, I don�t know which is worse right now. Staying awake and starving to try to reach a goal, or taking the sleeping pills and tying to find some kind of temporary oblivion.
My electrolysis appointment is today. Maybe after it�s over, if my face isn�t too, too red, I�ll stop for a salad or something.
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