4:02 a.m. - Thursday, Jul. 04, 2002
Butts, Birds, and empty Pizza Boxes
Three a.m. on day four of my great effort to stop smoking. I can�t give up now. If I smoke today, it�ll mean I wasted the last three days of my life not smoking, when I could have been smoking up a bonfire. I�m invested now. I can�t let those three days count for nothing.
I gained three pounds from the pizza. Well� OK� from the pizza and the two Cokes, and the Subway sandwich and three cookies I ate earlier.. and the big spoonful of peanut butter I licked when I couldn�t find anything else in the house to eat. Lynn says it�s water. She�s right. It�s water, locked inside great huge cells of greasy fat. Yesterday I did a little better. I didn�t eat anything all day except coffee and unsweetened iced tea. Nothing until about five, when I made a cup of sticky rice and ate it with a can of chili. I think I�ve gained another pound from that. I won�t know for sure until I do my exercises and take my official weight for the day. I guess I�m going to have to bite the bullet and go to the store for some decent stuff to eat. You know�. Fucking carrot sticks and other useless, tasteless, crunchy plant materials. I actually prefer cabbage. The best. I need to have a head of it here in the fridge.
The bird family in my chimney is growing. I can tell. When they�re just hatched, they�re silent all the time except when whoever feeds them is actually in the nest. But now, they�ve escalated. They chirp constantly while they wait to be fed, and then increase to a caucophony when dinner actually shows up. It sounds like a very squeaky electric fan going non-stop in the chimney now. Day and night. It�s going on right now� at 3:30 in the morning. Need I say more?
Oh� before I go, I want to say thanks to the people who�re signing my guestbook at the bottom of my diary page, and those who�ve put my diary on their list of favorites. I don�t think I always have anything so awfully important or interesting to say. It takes feedback from strangers (and friends) to make me think that some of what I write is worthwhile. Thank you.
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