7:34 a.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 30, 2002
Ms Leslie returns
It�s been awhile, I know. I guess it�s partly from that part of me that can�t seem to stay with anything for very long and partly from the fact that I�ve been more involved with getting myself out into the world and living apart from the computer. In the meantime, I guess, those people in my life who are a little uncomfortable with me, or who don�t particularly care, have given up looking here for new entries by now.

It�s kind of interesting that the only person who wrote to me to ask if I was OK was Celena; a woman I�ve never met�.. and with whom I recently argued. She�s also the only person ever in my life who took a moment to sign and send me a card honoring veteran�s day. Thanks Celena.

I�m all done with the tile at Ann�s house. There are still a few little odds and ends I need to help her get repaired, but the push is over. I�m glad. It was awful hard and dirty, but it DID help me get some exercise and lose a little weight.

The Suporn clinic in Thailand has told me they can�t consider me for surgery as long as I am obese. I�ve been working on losing as much as I can so I can get on with my life. I�ve gone from a high of (blush) 262 lbs down to 234 lbs. I even got down to 227 for a day or two, but then had a little relapse. Losing weight is the highest priority for me now. Nothing else matters quite as much.

It�s not easy. I get a lot of advice from others, but it�s really useless. I know what to do. I know how to lose weight. It�s not something anyone else can do for me. I can�t do it with meal plans or weight charts or pictures of models pasted on my mirror. When all is said and done, the only way (for me) to lose weight is to get hungry and stay hungry�. And to exercise like my life depends on it. It�s not easy. It�s not happy, but it�s the only way.

On the other hand, there is an upside. I can get the buttons closed on some of the skirts I bought a year or so ago and have never been able to wear. And my dress size is right on the line between 22 and 20. I have a couple of dresses I bought in size 20 and they�re just now starting to look right on me. That�s a big lift. It helps my self confidence a lot. It helps to dream of shopping somewhere other than Lane Bryant and being able to find clothes that fit.

Other news���.. I got my passport as a female earlier this month. It�s strictly legitimate. I included a letter from my doctor stating that I am being treated as a transsexual and planning to have reassignment surgery within the year. The State Dept. issued me a temporary passport good for one year as a female. There isn�t any mention of my transsexual status. After my surgery, they�ll exchange my passport for a permanent one. It�s the first kind of recognition I�ve gotten from the government.. which sort of means the world� as a woman. I hope to go to social security soon and change my status there from male to female.. and then to the DMV for my driver�s license. It�s hard to explain. At one time, I thought it really didn�t matter, but there�s something about having my documentation match my gender that feels really �right�.

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