8:29 a.m. - Thursday, Mar. 14, 2002
Ms Leslie finds her new issue
It was another uneventful day yesterday. I made the usual trip to New Orleans to see my therapist, stopped for lunch at a Japanese restaurant in Slidell and came home. Ann didn�t feel much like working on the house, so we didn�t do anything on that either.
My therapist said I was running from whatever issue is coming up next with me. She says I have a history of bolting. She�s right. So what�s the next issue that has me so scared? I think I know. It�s the same issue I�ve kept hidden all my life; Too ashamed to let it out into the sun as long as I have parents, siblings, (ex) spouse, kids or friends living. Keeping it hidden so as not to shock or disappoint anyone. It�s the same issue that keeps rising to just below the surface until most of the people who know me well probably already know what it is that I think I�ve never said. It�s that I�m attracted to men.
So now� family and friends.. there it is. I�ve always been attracted to men, but never did I do much about it. I never thought of myself as gay. I still don�t. I just think of myself as a little more honest now.
So, the issue becomes what will I do about this, if anything? And how will I overcome all the obstacles that stand in the way of enjoying the company of men. Who would want me? I honestly don't know. What I DO know is that I�m not going to run from this. I�m going to spend a lot more time thinking, talking and writing about it� and hey! I�m open to suggestions too.
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