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4:47 a.m. - Sunday, Mar. 10, 2002
Ms Leslie tells her kid brother
Well�. I finally did it. I got an e-mail through the system to tell my little brother what he doesn�t know about me. I don�t know why, but some people are just harder to tell than others. He�s one of them.

He�s a great guy� a real macho, truck-driving cowboy with horses and everything. On the outside, he looks like he�d just as soon beat your butt as look at you, but on the inside, he�s jut a big ol� teddy bear. He�s always looked up to me as his big brother; a fact that�s made me a little uneasy over the years. I guess in a way, that�s why it�s been so hard to tell him. I hate to take away that big brother image he has of me. I hate to disappoint him.

As a matter of fact, I guess that�s been the story of my life. I hate to disappoint anyone� so I�ve tried to be whatever it was I thought that they thought I was supposed to be. In the process, I forgot to be who I am. I have disappointed myself.

I spent yesterday working.. again� on Ann�s house. We painted her bedroom and got a tiny start on getting her bathroom ready to tile. I was proud of her painting yesterday. We�ve painted before, but yesterday is the first time she�s gotten most of the paint on the walls and not on the floor and herself. By the time her house is done, maybe I can pimp her out as a painter�. And a floor tiler to boot. She is becoming quite the handyman. I, on the other hand, am becoming less of one. I don�t know if it�s the hormones or just that I�ve been laying around depressed for the last year, but I notice a big loss in body strength. I can barely lift my tool bag, which I used to carry around without even noticing I had it. Big loss in my interest in things handy too. I�d rather shop than paint. It seems logical now, but there was a time when I�d rather paint than shop. I�d rather hang by my toes over a flaming barbeque pit rather than shop.. but that�s another story. Now, though, I just love to shop� At least for clothes. I always see things I just cant� live without, so I end up spending way more than I oughta.

It�s back to Ann�s house again today. We�ll paint the trim & doors in her bedroom, hang some new window blinds and clean the floor one more time. That will finish the room and give her one room that she can move things into and start living in again. She�s sick to death of living in a construction zone/trash heap and I don�t blame her. It�s the way I grew up.

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