7:10 a.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 12, 2002
Ms Leslie recycles a letter
With apologies to my younger sister, I'm posting this letter I wrote to her. I've been writing so much lately to various people and this letter contains some things I need to say to everyone, so I tought today I'd just take the easy way out.
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I actually thought of my arms and how you always said you liked them when I started on hormones. Amid the excitment and anticipation of starting my new life, I was sorry to be taking those arms away from you. I still am. It's just that I didn't like those arms. I always hated the hair on my body. I even shaved it a couple of times.
Do you know why I always wore a mustache... even when I couldn't grow one and had to paint it on with colored mustache wax? It was a way of enforcing masculinity on myself. WHen I looked in the mirror, I could only see a guy there. A sad guy, but a guy. It was not long after I started talking to Ann about my feelings that i shaved my mustache off for good. Then, shortly after that, Ann helped me buy a dress (it was hideous) and some shoes that fit, as well as other typcial women's clothing in my size. We had a weekend together in a secluded motel in a tourist spot. There was a furnished kitchenette, a living room and a bedroom. ANn helped me put on makeup... who am I kidding.. she put it on for me... and get dressed. When she was finished, I looked in the mirror. Did I look silly? Of course I did. I was a man with a heavy beard and hairy arms. But when I looked in the mirror, I saw myself for the first time. I recognized myself there. And sis, as strange as it sounds, I felt pretty. Just a little bit, but it was such a good feeling that I've pursued that feeling ever since.
A lot of guys like to dress as women for the sexual arousal they feel when they do it. It was never like that for me. It was a feeling of calm and peace, as if for an hour I was where I belonged. those other guys are known as transvestites, or crossdressers. When I put on women's clothing, I was not cross dressing. I was dressing appropriately at last. I was cross-dressed as a man my whole life. Today I wore men's clothing for the first time in a long time. I had to go to Ann's and do some work and levis and a T shirt were the best choice. Even in men's clothing, when I went to rent a storage space and then stopped to eat at Popeye's chicken, I was called ma'am at both places. I've undergone a fundamental change. I'm not a pretty woman, nor a young one, but I am a woman. People are seeing that wherever I go. And those poor arms are gone. But I am still the same person you have always known. That will never change. I have the same memories, thoughts and experiences as always. I have the same sense of humor. I'm still me. I'm just more of me.
Take Care
Leslie
- Mormon Boy born and raised
- Vietnam Combat Veteran
- PTSD Vet
- Husband
- Father
- Grandfather
- Transexual Woman
And you think YOUR life is confusing?
Try "Being Ms Leslie"
http://MsLeslie.com/
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