8:24 a.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2006
MsLeslie.... like the fourth Stooge
Expect the unexpected.
There are a few people who say I am obsessive about trying to control my world. They tell me I should stop worrying about all the things that just might happen, relax and let myself enjoy the moment.
I�m not sure that�s good advice, especially for someone who is living alone and trying to make repairs and renovations on her own.
I find myself acutely aware at all times that I �am� alone, and therefore responsible to deal with whatever little emergency might arise. For me, each step on a ladder is a death-defying act, for I know that if I make one single misstep, I will have a problem which I must solve entirely solo. A recent example:
At the beginning of my current project to gut & remodel my playroom, I found it necessary to remove several faux-beams which ran across the ceiling. Each was fastened to the rafters behind the sheetrock with four long lag bolts. It seemed reasonable to undo those bolts beginning at one end and finishing at the other. When the last bolt was removed, I could take advantage of the fact that the ends were held, albeit tenuously, by a small piece of trim nailed to the wall under the end of the beam. I could therefore, keep a steady pressure on the beam as I let my end down, until I could step off my ladder and get my hands to the middle of the beam, let the far end drop out of its temporary support, and lower it to the ground.
This worked pretty well for me until the next to last of the beams, when I started to think I had a pretty good system. It was on that beam that the trim on the far end of the beam, which was the only thing holding it in the air, suddenly gave way just as I tilted it down and slipped my gloved hand between my end of it and the wall, in order to keep it where it needed to be while I got down off the ladder. Well, maybe it�s too complicated to explain here, but the end result was pretty simple. In less than an instant, I found myself standing on the third step of my ladder with the second and third fingers of my right hand pinned painfully against the wall by a twelve-foot wooden beam that had jammed itself against my fingers and the opposite wall. And I was as alone as if I were on a ladder on mars.
At first, I had the luxury of focusing only on the pain in my fingers. Pain like that has a way of taking your mind off your problems.. at least temporarily. But then, as the endorphins began to flow, my poor fingers began to get a bit numb. It was at that point that I could take a look at my situation and start wondering, as I always do when I don�t have a solution to a problem, just exactly how this little scenario was going to end. My first vision was kind of gruesome and completely unacceptable. It involved me, hanging by my fingers, dead from exhaustion and what� starvation?? I had to admit that even though this was the worst case scenario, it was entirely possible if I couldn�t collect myself and find my way out of this fix.
From my end, the beam was simply too heavy to lift with my free left hand and I was standing too high on the ladder to step down and try to get myself a little closer to the middle where I might gain some leverage. Because it was jammed so tightly, it was impossible for me to lift my end. Too, because my own fingers were in the way, I could not move my end of the beam down. And when I tried to move it sideways, it just seemed to settle even more tightly against my fingers. Short of chewing my hand off at the wrist, I didn�t have any idea how I was going to escape this predicament, and so I stood there on the narrow step of my ladder, trying to ignore the throbbing in my hand and use my imagination. Oh yeah, and I�m big enough to admit that all the while, I was also feeling more than a little foolish for letting this happen.
Well, what saved me this time, I think, was that when I bought my ladder, I did expect the unexpected. I didn�t skimp at all on the price, but bought a �little giant� folding ladder. It�s one of the strongest and most stable ladders you can buy. And although the steps are too narrow to be comfortable for long term standing, the ladder is stable even if you are, against all good sense, standing on the very top rung. It�s almost too heavy for me to carry, but when I am on it, I love my ladder.
Well, since my hands and arms were obviously of no use here, my instincts went to my legs and feet. Clearly I could not move up or own the ladder, but because it was so stable, I felt that I might be able to count on it to hold up while I tried to kick the beam with my left foot. If I could kick it free, the beam would fall to the floor and release my fingers.
My first attempt only jarred the beam a fraction of an inch straight up. It settled back in place, only now it was even tighter. My fingers had no �give� left in them. I heard something crack inside my glove.
I was, by now, running very low in ideas, and I was feeling a bit weak from the pain. And so there was a little bit of valuable panic in my second attempt. This time, I kicked up and a little sideways, and felt a final stab of pain as the beam finally dislodged and fell to the floor. I was free and climbing off the ladder with trembling knees.
In my wildest dreams, I would never have expected a freak occurrence like this, and yet this little wrinkle became a very real threat to my well-being. As it turned out, it was just another simple reminder for me to expect the unexpected. And the price I paid was small�two bruised fingers and an equally bruised pride.
Oh, and I broke a nail.
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