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10:33 a.m. - Sunday, Sept. 07, 2003
Just Leslie, Just a writer (Often not a speller)
This and the next one or two entries are more like letters to luvabeans that you get to read too. I started out to make some comments about her thoughts on gender as expressed in her entry �somethingifesto� but I guess I got hung up about the writer thing. She�s struggling with whether she�s a writer� whatever that is. So I guess the gender thing comes tomorrow.

Dear Luvabean;

First, let�s dispense with the whole question of whether you are a writer:

I met a Diaryland reader a few months ago. I have to say I was flattered that she went on about how I should �be� a writer, but at the same time, I couldn�t help toying around with her in the matter.

�I AM a writer�, I said.

She tipped her head a little bit as she digested this. I guess it never occurred to her that I think of myself as a writer.

�No, I mean you should be published�

I smiled a bit. �I am published. I�m published on DiaryLand.�

�Oh, I know�, she said. �What I mean is that you should have lots of readers�.

I explained that the internet has millions.. in fact billions of potential readers from all around the world. She was starting to fidget; frustrated with me for being so dense.

�What I MEAN is� you should get PAID!� she huffed.

�OK�, I said. �Give me a hundred dollars�.

She gave my outstretched hand a shocked and embarrassed glance and then changed the subject.

So, are you a writer? Of course you are. You became a writer the day you faced that first cheap paper with the huge lines across it and made the decision to fill it with your own rendition of the alphabet. Can you remember how proud you were when you learned to write your own name? You had a right to be proud. It was the moment of your true birth as a human being. By creating an artifact of yourself, a statement of being and awareness of self, you separated yourself from the other animals and became a person; a new link in an ancient chain that stretches back all the way to those triumphant charcoal handprints on the walls of a thousand prehistoric caves.

We are all writers, except those unfortunate few of us still alive who can only make a mark on a signature line. How sad that they then have to have a writer sign below the mark to attest that they witnessed the making of the mark by the mark-maker. For the rest of us, anyone who can transmit information, thoughts or emotions to others through the use of symbols is a writer.

But here�s the thing that creates all the angst and makes us question ourselves and makes us very hesitant to use the word �writer� when we fill out government forms or make our resumes:

Being a writer is more of a social contract. Let�s talk about me (my favorite subject). I am a writer. I even registered in a hotel in a faraway land as a writer. I was reasonably sure no one would know any differently. I can choose to call myself a writer, but I can�t choose for myself the adjectives to place in front of myself. It�s the adjectives that break me down. In the bank, for instance, I am a check writer. At this very moment, I am a diary writer, or maybe a letter writer. I�m also a sleepy writer, a caffeinated writer, a transsexual writer. But am I a good writer? A �salable� writer? A paid writer, interesting writer? I can�t say. I can call myself a writer all I want to, but my social contract requires me to allow the rest of society to apply the descriptives. I hope I�m a good writer, but I�m only a good one if you say I am. I�m only a professional writer if you hire me and pay money for examples of my writing. And I�m only a famous writer if hundreds of thousands of others all agree that my writing is somehow good, or at least widely known. The lack of control here is enough to make me wring the skin right off of my hands� unless I can just forget about it.

There�s a parallel.

I have, for several years now, tried to force society at large to accept an adjective of a different sort. I began calling myself Ms Leslie. In the mind of every person I�ve dealt with, I�ve received a mental vote. Some people, in fact, most people, have agreed that the title �Ms� was appropriately placed in front of my name. Others have not and still do not. I can choose my name and you are legally bound to refer to me by that name. Recognizing me as a woman, a �Ms� is your option.

Lately I�ve found myself signing some letters as �just Leslie�. I�ve done all I can do to fulfill the requirements for taking my place in society as a woman. Now it�s up to you. If I am to be Ms Leslie, it�s you who must make me so in your own soul. It�s out of my hands. (ummm�. So to speak).

All of this is just my overblown way of saying of course you are a writer, and to suggest that you leave it at that. I�m just Leslie, you are just luvabean the writer. Instead of making yourself crazy over whether you�re a good writer, just write. Be who you are and control what you can control. Let the rest be.

For what it�s worth, I think you�re a pretty darn good writer and an insightful person.

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