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3:21 p.m. - Thursday, Apr. 03, 2003
Ms Leslie's Vagina Travelogues
I didn't want to go to Thailand this time. That being the case, I'm not sure exactly why or how I found myself sitting in the Gulfport Airport four hours early for my flight.

I was already doing my best to ignore the opening of the war. I was trying to find some way to not be frightened by the new disease with which I was about to cross paths. I hated it that I failed to lose weight, or even stay the same, and I was full of dread of what everyone promised was going to be even more painful than what I I had already endured with the sex reassignement surgery 6 months ago.

The only bright spot was that I could put my foot outside the door and get started, knowing that what ever was to happen would be over sooner.

My trip, though mostly unventful, was not pleasant. It's high point came only at the end, when I saw Wannee's serene face in the crowd, waiting to pick me up in Bangkok. It was nice to see here again, but I was already so tired, I barely remember the ride to Chonburi or getting checked in to the Mercure. Everything is, in fact, pretty much a blur by now, right up until I found myself in that same operating room with the same Dr. Sing asking me if I was ready to go to sleep, and then a minute or two later, finding myself with my head encased in concrete while I vomited into the same too-small vomit tray. Let the nightmare begin.

I'm wrong.

It's almost a day later and I've rememebrd that I did arrive at the Mercure on a Saturday. Since no one would be there to give me my check-up on Sunday, Wannee arranged for me to hire her friend for the day to go see the open Zoo and the Tiger Zoo. Her friend Ees, had a vocabulary of twenty words in English. Her husband Richard... Yes Richard... go figure...had a vocablary just exactly twenty words less than his wife. Still, we hand-signaled and smiled our way through a great little side trip. It was a little hard for them to understand, I think, that I have actually SEEN a porcupine, and a deer, and a racoon. Amazingly, we seem to be running over thousands of exotic animals on our hiughwayus every day and don't even know it. But we also saw giraffes, a hippopotamus that would only show me her butt, tons of monkeys running free, and all the other critters you might expect... or not.

It was hot. I wasn't allowed to sweat, howver. At the first droplet, ees would produce a straw fan and follow alongside me, fanning me like the queen we always knew I am. Later, when it rained as only it can in the tropics, she produced a giant umbrella and held it over me no mattre which way I darted.

Two things stand out as most impresssive. The first was at the tiger zoo, where I saw that they raise baby tigers with litters of little piggies and their sows. Why that should strike me as odd isn't clear. Our own children drink the milk of the very same beasts they will later consume at the burger stand across from the high school. Why shouldn't the tigers? But Oh My God, yuou should see how cute the little striped buggers are! Playing and sleeping by the belly of a sow.

The other thing that surprised me was that when we stopped at the crocodile restaurant, I learned that neither Richard or Ees had any inclination whatsoever to taste crocodile meat. I hasd the BBQ crocodile satay.... tastes like.... gator! But they woyuld not let the meat t ouch their lips. Now pardon me if I'm ouit of line, but I have seen these folks happily chowing things I still haven't found names for. And now they decide they aer fussy eaters?

But... other than that... it was a nightmare. yes it was.. a nightmare, I tell you.

I think the main thing is this. I was packing up a big load of background stress. Very nervous about traveling, surgery, and the possiblity, remote or not, of a facial disaster. Even tired from my trip, I was having a lot of trouble getting any sleep, but you know me.... I was pressing on.

The PTSD word is hypervigilance. See... all that time in therapy hasn't been wasted. I could not close my eyes. period. The first real sleep I got was when they pushed the drugs for my operation.

Now let the nightmare begin.

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