8:18 a.m. - Friday, Jan. 24, 2003
\"There's Always a Way\", says Ms Leslie
I need to take a few minutes from time to time just to let those of you who read about my life here know how grateful I am for you�re your kind comments, guestbook entries and e-mails. I�m a terrible hostess, don�tcha know. I seldom if ever acknowledge or address the comments and GB entries left here, but I sure do read them. I read them many times over during the day and they lift me up every time. Well� OK� a couple of them didn�t, but that�s just the chance I take when I open myself up for public view.
As bad a hostess as I may be, I am an even worse guest. I slip silently into your own diaries and read about your lives too. Not every one, and not every day, but often. Once in a great while, I leave a comment, but mostly I just watch. I learn a lot from that watching. It helps me feel not like so much of an alien when I see that others have hurdles and struggles too. I learn that I�m unique but not alone. I learn that it�s possible to face extreme situations and still find some humor�. And love.
So thanks again for being part of my life, as readers, writers, acquaintances and friends. I honestly hope your exposure to me always brings something positive back to you.
Now.. (sniff, sniff), here�s a big old hug for you:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((y�all))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I got a note from Dr. Kim at the Suporn Clinic in Thailand last night. They have an earlier date available for my facial surgery if I would like to take it. It�s a full 60 days earlier; March 25th instead of May 23rd.
That�s a little unsettling. Like the slug I am, I�ve been goofing around and not lost weight. I�ve gained weight instead, hoping I could lose it before May. So if I take the early date, I�m going to have to do the same thing I did before my SRS surgery�.. which isn�t pretty, I can tell you.
There�s also the question of whether Laura and Mike can come to Thailand with me. They�ve been struggling to decide whether they felt safe and could get time away from work to go with me in May. Now all at once, I�m asking them to give me an immediate decision about going in March. I feel like a heel doing that, but I guess I have to keep my own objectives and priorities in view. AS much as I�d like to have them with me, getting this surgery over with as quickly as I can is the real priority.
And then there�s the money thing. I suppose I really should be a churchgoer, because I have a lot of faith. Sometimes, it seems, I just have to commit to something without knowing what the outcome is going to be. If I commit to this date, I don�t know for sure that I�ll be able to fund the trip that early. I do know, though, that tickets for the flight cost quite a bit more money, even if I get the non-changeable, non-transferable, non-refundable kind. So I guess this will just be one of those times where I will play it by ear. I�ll make something happen. I always do. There�s always a way.
There�s always a way: Have I ever talked about that? It�s a personal mantra of mine.
I�ve been in some pickles in my time. Years ago, in combat, yes, but many times since as well. I�ve been adrift in Prince William sound in remote Alaska in an inflatable zodiac boat, the tides and wind against me; pushing me towards the open sea while I struggled to find a way to repair a broken motor, as a for instance.
Those are the times when inside, you start to wonder how this is all going to turn out. It�s when you start thinking about survival while at the same time, working to quell panic. They are the times that call for focus and imagination, and for organization.
I�ve told a few people online about the two things that separate survivors from victims. Survivors always do something.. anything� to improve their condition. IF they are in cold water, they crawl onto something that floats. If there�s nothing that floats, they huddle up. If they are alone, the curl into a ball. Whatever�s at hand becomes a resource. They do the first priority first and then look at how to further improve their situation. The second thing is that they never give up. Not ever. They go down fighting if go down they must, but they never give up.
There�s a third thing I seldom mention. It�s personal. I don�t know where it came from, but it�s the thing that starts going around in my head when I face a problem that I don[�t know the answer to. �There�s always a way�.
I�ve learned that it�s true. It will BE true every time except one. That one time will be my death-day, when I�ll finally realize that this one final time, there isn�t a way after all. But in the meantime, there IS always a way. Finding it is just a matter of using imagination, discipline, and sometimes a little courage to bring everything together.
And so, if I take the early date, I know I�ll find a way to pay for it. I�ll find a way to lose the weight too. And on time. It�s not a survival situation� or so it may seem. If I fail, there will be another date; another time that I can save for, and lose weight for. And yet in a real way, it IS a survival situation� at least for me. It�s something I need. I need the end result but I think I also need the whole process. It seems like I�m just not alive if I�m not struggling against impossible odds for some crazy goal.
Tomorrow, I�ll write the story of that drifting zodiac. I impressed even myself with the solution I found.
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