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4:55 a.m. - Sunday, Dec. 15, 2002
Ms Leslie moves in
Happy Thoughts:

I spent a long time yesterday fooling around, re-learning how to use mail merge to print the envelopes for my Xmas cards. That led to me crating my signature as a jpg file and pasting it on to my picture, then printing it at the bottom of my Xmas cards. It would have been a whole lot easier just to sit down and address the few cards I�m sending but somehow getting lost in the process was good for my spirit. Sure.. people will hate the cards as being impersonal, but that�s not really the point, is it? The point is that for the first time, I think ever, I will have done something to recognize a few people on Xmas� and before Xmas at that!

Afterwards. I took a long, long bath. I�m grateful I still fit into my teeny bathtub. First I put on a peel-off face mask, then I wasted a lot of expensive Neutrogena Rainbath to make bubbles, lit a candle, grabbed a magazine and a can of cold Slimfast and piled in. This is one of my greatest pleasures. I�ve only learned to bathe in the last year or so. No, smart-ass�.. I�ve just always been a shower person, that�s all. I could never have given myself permission to enjoy the luscious fragrance of a bath soap, the luxury of soaking in hot, sudsy water, or the self-indulgence of taking care of my face.. or body either, for that matter. It�s good for me to spend time reclining in the tub, flipping through a magazine. It helps me remember that not everyone has the chance I do to pamper myself.

Later, I drug out the camping gear and other useless items that have been clogging up over half of my one closet. It�s the same stuff I dragged around the country for seven months when I didn�t have an actual home. Loading it back into the van and taking it to storage gave me an unexpected feeling. It was like, after living in this place for two years, I was finally moving in. Not only that, but I now have enough room for my clothes� for now.

While I was doing all that, I ran across the last of my remaining male clothing: The suit I wore when I performed my youngest son�s wedding in Alaska, a couple of sports coats from my days as an ill-fated real-estate salesman, and a couple of white shirts. Aside from a couple of pretty shirts I�ve saved to wear as tops, that�s the last of it. I can�t bring myself to throw out the wedding suit. I guess I�ll have to wait for it to rot.

So.. the happy thought is that all this activity helped me, for a while, to eat sensibly. I didn�t gain any weight yesterday. Lately, not gaining is as good as losing.

Deep Breaths:

I don�t think I have any deep breaths today. I�m going to run by the post office and drop my cards into the slot. I have a few little toys to wrap so I won�t go to Xmas dinner empty handed before the half-dozen kids that will be there. I need to send greetings via e-mail to a few people I don�t know how to reach any other way, and then I�m done with Xmas. No.. one other thing. I hate the wreath Ann made me hang on the door. I�m throwing that away today. It�s ugly and it gets in the way.

Having done all I am going to do for Xmas, I�ll be free today to turn my attention to cleaning up around here and trying to get back into some kind of routine. My van is dying. I need to leave it at the shop for a tune-up or something. I need to get back to exercising every day. I need to make life� you know�. All about me.

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