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8:33 a.m. - Monday, Aug. 19, 2002
Ms Leslie Breaks a Weight Barrier
I feel a little better today. A regular reader who�s become a friend sent me a few dollars and instructions to buy

�Chicken Soup for the Soul� to read on the plane. I could order it from amazon.com but instead, I think I�ll go to the mall and buy it in a book store. It�s a good reason to get outside and mix with normal life a little bit.

I also got past what�s turned out to be a real plateau with my weight loss. I�ve had a few of these, but getting under (blush) 200 lbs has been by far the hardest. Besides which, I haven�t weighed under 200 lbs in many years. This morning though, when I checked my weight, I was able to slide the big weight down from 200 to 150. And I haven�t even done my exercises yet today. I always lose a pound or more of water when I exercise. It felt great to get past this milestone. My first thought was a promise to myself never ever to let myself get to that weight again.

I let the clinic know my flight number and arrival time in Bangkok. They�ve replied that they will have a driver meet us there. So basically, it�s all over but the part where I get on the plane. I still don�t have any of the huge feelings one would expect. Just a sense of relief that I�ve done all I need to do mixed with dread over the stress I expect from traveling with my mom and sis. I love �em, I want �em there, but they come with their own problems and issues. Having them with me is going to be very�. complicated.

Ah well. It is what it is. Maybe like Even Steven, the good stuff cancels out the bad. Like a cosmic algebra problem where certain fractions cancel each other out and leave you with a fat zero.

Anyway, getting that gift yesterday tipped the scales over to the good side. It was really nice. I guess I�m gratified to think that there are people out there who give a rat�s oily butt about me. Real people.. unseen, but out there.

I was up and down more than usual last night. Too hungry to sleep, I got up every hour and spent some time trying to get sleepy. Too tired to stay up, too hungry to stay down. I need to keep this up right up to the time I arrive at the hospital. It�s funny, but I think I�ll be as happy to eat some real food after my surgery as I will be with my new equipment� maybe more. Like maybe I won�t even check out the remodel job until after I eat a good meal. It was really hard to lay there, waiting for enough time to pass that I could claim a new day had started. I burned some of the Chinese candles I bought when I shopped with Laura in Baton Rouge. They smelled good and looked pretty flickering in the darkened room. More than that, they gave me memories of the shopping and pleasantries of spending time with a friend. I was still hungry though. I�m not a machine.

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