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9:16 a.m. - Monday, Aug. 12, 2002
Things Ms Leslie won't miss
From my list of things I won�t miss:

- Men�s Public Restrooms

The last time I used a men�s restroom was while traveling on the interstate. It was at one of those combination truck-stop/tourist places that tries to have something for everyone on the road. Cheap gas, but crowded and dirty facilities. I was still in the beginning stages of my transition. On the road, I honestly didn�t feel very feminine. My face felt stubbly. I was dirty and tired. I wasn�t even dressed feminine. Just shorts and a T shirt. At rest stops during the trip, I had felt insecure about using the ladies�, and of course, I didn�t want to cause any trouble. So I usually slipped into the men�s and went into a stall to pee.

I did the same thing at this truck stop. Amazingly, when I went in, there was no one there. Maybe just one guy, who had his back to me at the urinal. Thankfully, I closed the stall door and did what I needed to do. After I was finished, though, and on my way out, I happened to meet two truck drivers coming in. They both stopped talking and stared at me with jaws to the floor in horror. All I could do was smile a little and keep walking. But as I walked away, I saw them come back out of the restroom and check the sign to be sure they hadn�t walked into the ladies� room by mistake. That was the moment I knew I would always be safer and less out of place in the ladies restrooms.

Let�s face it though, I�m still a beginner when it comes to using these restrooms when I�m out and about. Most of my life has been spent on the other side of the wall, walking usually on the sides of my feet to keep from wading in too much urine and standing not quite near enough to urinals so as not to be in the line of any possible splatter from the smelly, disgusting soup that often stands in the bottom of the butt-clogged fixture,

Don�t misunderstand me. In my short career as a recognized woman, I�ve seen some nasty toilet stalls. But there�s a difference, and I think I know where it lies.

Messes get made. Vandalism happens, whether by pimple-faced boys or giggling gangs of pre-pubescent girls. Fixtures get clogged. Even more so in the Ladies�, since we are continuously trying to stuff down huge wads of shitty or bloody material we don�t want anyone to see� not even a stranger. At home, we wouldn�t think of abusing the plumbing system this way. There are husbands, maintenance men, or repairmen to keep us in line should we transgress. These are people we know and expect to see again. We dare not risk having them spend an hour or more plucking our waterlogged and swollen secrets out from holes in the floor like cranky and unwilling magicians pulling rotting rabbit carcasses out of a hat. Most men know better than to try to force an overload down the toilet and besides, except for the occasional young dad with a badly used Pamper to lose, men don�t have that much material with them.

So, already, it seems more likely that I would encounter a lake of sewage in a ladies room, but the reverse is actually true. Why?

Well, once a toilet is plugged up or even soiled to a certain point, women really hesitate to get involved with it. See, we have to touch them to use them, and we just aren�t going to sit our behinds down on something we wouldn�t touch with rubber gloves. So the toilet or stall might be messy, but it�s not likely to get messier. Unless the circumstances are truly dire, we will pass that one by and go to a convenience that�s in working order.

Alright. You saw where I was going a long time ago. I still have to lay it out though, so as to make this entry meaningful to the lowest common denominator of those who read here:

Guys don�t have to touch the place they pee. All they need to do is get relatively close. So it�s more likely that if a toilet or urinal gets plugged and nasty, the next guy will use it anyway, so long as he can get close enough to appear to have made a reasonable effort to have peed into the mess rather than onto it. As a result, even after repairs are made and cleaning has allegedly occurred, there remains forever an underlayer of urine, grease and scum in many, many men�s restrooms. I�m not going to miss that.

Too, ladies� restrooms have a completely different ambiance. In the men�s it�s all business. No one looks at another man, much less speaks to him. Even good friends will generally fall silent for the time they spend in the restroom. A men�s room is enemy territory, even to a man. Ladies� rooms are. on the other hand, places of refuge. They�re, I don�t know� friendlier. Babies get fed there. Women get refreshed there. It�s OK to talk or visit with your companions. Laughter is even heard there. It�s like there is so much enemy territory in the world for women that a restroom is an island where they can retreat for a moment and not have to be �on� for the world.. e.g. men.

I don�t know. Like I said, I�m new here. Am I right about this?

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