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7:49 a.m. - Monday, Jul. 01, 2002
Ms Leslie waves a tearful farewell to Joe Camel
Oh I hate writing here when nothing happens. Yesterday was that kind of day. I didn�t even leave the apartment.

Ann left with Phil to go to Michigan and pick up her grandsons. She got as far as Nashville before her car went T.U. (tits up). She wound up cooling her heels in a motel room until the dealer opens this morning. I have a feeling that this breakdown will be a trip killer for her. It depends on how expensive it turns out to be. So now her car is O for 2 for trips. Two breakdowns in the last two trips. After two hundred thousand miles, I think it�s time to retire the old Quest and keep her in town for the rest of her days.

There�s nothing else for me to say today. I�m down to my last three cigarettes. I have to quit smoking this month. For one reason, I hate to fly as a smoker. The main reason though is that I need to quit so my surgery will go better. Lord, I can�t believe everything I�ve given up for this.. and it seems to never end. There�s the big stuff, like the discomfort this has brought to some in my family and the huge amount of money I�ve spent so far on therapy, hormones, electrolysis and clothes.. and it goes right down to the sacrifices I have to make in the eating.. and now smoking.. department. What else is there that I can give? Oh yeah� my testicles and perhaps my health.

No one really understands all this, least of all me. The best of my family and friends try as hard as they can, but it just goes against everything in our culture. It�s impossible to understand. All I really know is that it seems unfair that I have to do so much to catch up to the rest of humanity. I have to give up everything just for the chance to be as comfortable in my own skin as most people are from the beginning with no effort at all. It�s like I can�t even try to start finding normal happiness.. or even contentment.. until I take all these extraordinary steps.

Can you tell its going to be tough for me to quit smoking?

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