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5:31 a.m. - Monday, Feb. 04, 2002
Ms Leslie numbs up
I think I know why I'm not feeling anything these last few days. Tomorrow's the anniversary of my getting shot in Vietnam. I've just made contact with Craig's sister after three years of trying. I got his pictures. There just isn't room to feel all this at once. It's my time of year. Shutdown time for a while. This is a low point of the year for me. Maybe I'll start feeling again after March.

I let mom know I am planning to go to Thailand this summer for my first surgery on my face. There, they will do the work on the bones undeneath. Shaving down the brow bone, cutting away soe of thebone at my jaws to change the angle, and changing the shape of my chin. She was freaked out! Not so much about the surgery, but because I plan to have it done in Thailand. I'm sorry about that. I"d have it done in San Francisco by Dr. Ousterhout. He's the best. But I can't afford the 40,000 plus dollars he wants. Dr. Suporn in Thailand does nice work, and I can get this first operation for 11,000 dollars complete. Plus travel and a few nights in a hotel room if I decide to stay a little longer than ten days.

It's frightening to think of going to a foreign country and putting my life into their hands. I know they do good work and are clean and careful. Everything wil be fine.... unless I have some kind of major complications... or die over there. I guess if I die, it won't be any worry for me. They can dispose of me in any way they want. But if I have complications, I'll have a hard time getting home where I can get treatment.

So mom informed me yesterday that she and my sister will be accompanying me to Thailand. Period. I think that's real nice of them, but no one asked me. My sister's a top notch nurse, so having her along for her knowledge could be really helpful. Or it could be an added stress. I'm not sure I want anyone to go with me. I might want to stay there for a while. I might want to stay there forever. Who knows?

Mom's first priority is to get me to avoid having surgery at all. Her second is to get me to have a little bit done, but have it done in the states. The last thing she wants is for me to go to Thailand. Knowing that, I wonder how supported I will feel if she comes along with me. I need to think this over carefully.

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