4:48 a.m. - 2002-02-01
Just another day
Well, pottery class was fun. I don't know what I can say to make it interesting. I continue to be well accepted by the other ladies and seen as a woman, despite Ann's slipping up once and referrng to me as 'he'. It's possible that no one heard. If they did, they are ignoring it. I think it was a good idea to wear a dress on the first day. I'ts like baby ducks imprint on the first thing they see, which is usually their mother. They see their mother, and she is a duck, so they understand on some instictual level that they are ducks too. I found some mallard eggs years ago and brought them to a nesting banty hen. Those ducklings when they hatched saw the hen as their mother and spent the rest of their lives believing with their whole hearts that they were chickens. Chickens who loved to swim.. but chickens nonetheless.

Wearing the dress I think, has imprinted on these women that I am a woman too. Now, even when I wear pants, it's much easier for them to continue to percieve me as a woman.

Craig's sister wrote me again, expressing a desire to know more about me. So I wrote back and told her of my transexuality. I'm waiting to see if she wants to remain friends. Even if she doesn't, I think it ws good for me to write her. I was able to express my love for her brother in its truest sense. Since I never did get to tell him, it somehow feels right to tell his sister, which is as close to telling him as I can ever get. This is somehow healing for me. It's like the last thing I can do about loving him and now it's time to lay it aside and move on. Oh, I still love him and miss him daily. That never changes. But the sense of uncontrollable grief is subsiding. I can begin to see him as a fond and poignant memory.. not as an eternal sadness.

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