5:00 a.m. - 2002-01-31
Less of Ms Leslie Today
Woo Hoo! I did it!
For the second day in a row in quite some time, I have stayed on my diet. Just as I planned, I stayed busy yesterday.. except I didn't fool with getting made up. I was tired and went to bed early. I ate only 1030 calories yesterday.
This morning I weighed in at an honest 232 lbs. A new record low for this diet attempt.
One of these days I'm going to learn that it's more fun to succeed at losing weight than it is to overeat. It just takes a little longer to get to the fun part. It's backwards fun. I can eat now and suffer a lot later, or suffer a little now and feel fabulous later.
I had a good visit with Dr Root yesterday. AS we had discussed before, she's made arrangements to move me into the women's clinic at the Gulfport VA. I'll continue to see her for therapy, but my meds and records will now be handled through the women's clinic. I'm glad for that. I'll be more comfortable there. But I'm also a little bit disappointed because by transferring, I am losing.. or letting go, really... my chance to confront Dr. Liberto about his insistence on treating and addressing me as a man. I probably needed that chance to be assertive. He's a nice guy, really, and confronting him with his behavior would have been safe, I'm sure. But that's OK. I'll have another chance to grow.
I tried hard not to be so guarded with Dr Root yesterday. But at the same time, I did try to keep my emotions somewhat in check. I cried just a little bit when I was telling her what it was like to see Craig's face again after all these years. I don't mind. It was appropriate to get a little choked up. I just feel like I need to be able to hold back a little bit when I am talking to people. If I just go around bursting into tears every minute, how am I going to ever be around people and let them be my friends? People will run screaming into the hills when faced with that kind of stuff.
After Dr Root, I had OT. Deborah and Willie were both there and we had a good visit while I worked on my jewelry box. I like them both a lot, but we have the same problem as with Dr Liberto. They are kind and understanding, but they continue to see me as a man in a dress. They introduce me to the other patients and then refer to me as 'he', even when I am wearing a pretty jumper and makeup. Technically, they have a right. I am listed in my VA records as a male. But c'mon... I'm in the women's clinic now. I don't beleive they mean to be insensitive. Like Dr Liberto, they just aren't thinking. I've been hesitant to bring it up before, because there are always other patients present. But I've made up my mind...since they obviously aren't going to self-correct... the very next time I hear myself referred to as he, I am going to call tie out and ask to see one or both of them in the next room for a minute. I like them. I'm positive they like me. I know that I don't need to make a big deal out of it. Once I mention it, they'll fall over backwards to take my feelings into account.
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